Nietzsche reportedly said that Dostoevsky was “the only psychologist from whom I had anything to learn.” Dostoevsky understood something many therapies still grapple with: People don’t simply pursue happiness. Sometimes they pursue punishment. Sometimes they protect pain. Sometimes they destroy what they most want. He saw contradiction as central to being human. We talk so much around needing to be clear, to pick a lane, to decide how we feel. But perhaps the paradox of the h

Although I train in mindfulness and use many staying in the present moment tools, some of the most commonly repeated phrases in the wellness and therapeutic space these days; conquer your fear, be present, choose positivity, live in the now, or let them are also ideas that are often repeated without much nuance. All helpful ideas. All well-intentioned. And often, in practice, overly simplified. The past doesn’t disappear because we stop talking about it. The future doesn’t st

Relationship work is fast becoming where I see my most dynamic changes, not just of the relationship but, of the self. It is real movement to see a couple that has been stuck for weeks, years, decades in the same cycle of automatic reactive behaviour, now slowing down enough to pause and try get out of the story. The thing; that thing that they come to see me about – usually isn’t the issue at all. The thing; i.e. who took the trash out last, who paid the bills, how you speak